2007-07-05T08:46:00.000-07:00

How To Survive Separation

Living through the heartache and heartbreak of separation

It's never easy to lose someone close to your heart. The hurt can seem to be almost beyond healing, but things do get better over time, and it is usually through the warmth and caring of our other friends that we learn to live again.

Friends are our greatest resource when we are in times of need. They are there to help us through the loneliness, the insecurity, and the anger of a separation. We lean on them, and in their strength, we find our own ability to once again stand alone! They are there to teach us to trust again, to care again, and even to believe in love again. They are our means of surviving betrayal.

Thinking back on my broken heart, and how I managed to survive it, reminds me of just how important those friends are. Gosh but it all seems like it happened a million years ago now...

There are times in life that are just so emotionally difficult, that they push us to the very depths of despair, we are tossed into a position where we actually no longer care if we live or die. We learn all too quickly that life can change in a heartbeat.

Suddenly all that was isn't, and all that should have been, will never be. One moment ticks on the clock, one terrible moment in time that can never be erased, never changed, and never forgotten. In that small instant life becomes something foreign, a place no longer safe, and all that a person can do is shake their head in disbelief.

It is at these times that the easiest way for a person to recover is to exist within the strength of others. To lean on someone who is strong enough to support them until they are powerful enough once again to once more move forward. To want once again to live their life. To once again enjoy their life.

Most of us have heard the words to the song, "Lean On Me". We just have to remember those words when we are in time of need. It is at our lowest times when we truly need to search out those people who will support, and defend us, until we are once again strong.

Time really does heal all wounds. Lean on your friends when you need them. If that doesn't help seek out your family doctor or psychologist. Help is out there you just have to reach out your hand to receive it. Then just be patient and keep going on about life as though nothing out of the ordinary has happened. Let the magic of passing time heal your emotional wounds just as it does physical ones. One day you'll wake up, look outside, and realize that you are really truly living once again. It just takes a little time!

Time Really Does Heal The Pain

The more experiences that we have which come between us, and a tragic event in our lives, than the closer that we come to healing from the traumatic emotions experienced during that event. This ability for time to diminish hurts could be because the new memories that we acquire are able to slowly and steadily become clearer within our mind than our older memories. Or it may be that our older memories no longer seem as relevant to our lives as our newer experiences are. Whatever the reasoning is, it is very reassuring to know that for the majority of individuals, time really is an amazing healer.

So long as a person does not spend the remainder of their life dwelling on a past traumatic event, then emotional healing should occur, and time will eventually heal the emotional scars incurred in the past. How much time is required for the healing process will depend on the resilience of the individual involved and the degree of trauma that they have with stood.
Healing will definitely be easier, and take less time for those individuals with a strong sense of optimism, and a healthy outlook on life. Those individuals having a large and supportive network of family and friends to help and encourage the recovery process will also be more likely to have a faster healing process. Even just having individuals around to discuss, and rationalize issues, can keep a person focused on the things that truly matter most in life.
As time passes the individual begins to focus on small enjoyments within life again, like the pleasure they receive from their first cup of coffee in the morning, or the taste sensation of a well prepared meal at a local restaurant. A conversation with a loved one, or simply the wonderful feeling of the warm sunshine on them when they are out for a walk, and these new experiences begin to be enjoyable memories within their mind. The new experiences begin to blanket the older memories. The more time and positive experiences that pass by, the further that person will distance themselves from the past, and the more that they will begin to associate themselves with the present.
Time does heal most wounds. We just have to help it along a little.
Talk about the past with those that you trust, attempt to understand the events that occurred, but don't dwell there. Pull yourself out of that area and get on with the many tiny processes of life and living. Pamper yourself with enjoyable experiences. Amuse your mind with books, games, challenges and the enjoyment of friends and family. Keep your body fit with a new form of exercise; walk, learn yoga, swim or dance.
Force yourself to go on living, and at some point in time you will discover that instead of just going through the motions, you really are living. It just takes time and the correct usage of that time.

My Story Of Surviving Heartache and Heartbreak

Here I stand. A blubbering fool on a street corner with tears streaming down my face. I haven't slept for two nights and I am too tired to control anything let alone a few measly tears. I know that everything is going to be okay, it always is, but god does it ever hurt right now. There's a voice screaming in my head, "What happened?"

"Exactly what the hell just happened here?".

It is one of those questions that I don't think that I want to know the answer to. Maybe I just don't want to deal with it right now or maybe I am just not strong enough to deal with it right now. I walk slowly back to the house, phone my daughter, and tell her that I am leaving him. Then I pack up my truck, kiss my home, trust and dreams goodbye, and I run for my life. All the while I am thinking, "Who gave up you or I?". Either way it doesn't matter. It is over and I am alone again. I am alone.

.........and time seems to move so slowly. Every minute seems like an hour and every day feels like a week.

The cashier smiles at me and says, "How are you today?".

Humph? Let me think about that one. I have just had my heart ripped out and I am standing here with this huge gaping hole in my chest. Gosh, I guess considering the circumstances, I'm not all that bad. Could be worse I guess. I might have lost an arm or a leg in addition to the heart.

I just want to go back home and hide.

Which brings us to my new concept of home. Home is actually now a bedroom at my brothers house. Not that I need a bedroom as I no longer sleep. If I have gotten four hours sleep in the past week I would be surprised. Every time I close my eyes the all too familiar images of us and our happy home life send me screaming back out to the comfort of the living room and my brother's bachelor wisdom. "Have a beer", he says. Then he pulls out the crib board and we talk and joke about how funny being single is, and it helps. A little more time passes by and I get one hour closer to getting over 'him'.

And time passes till one day I wake up and I am living again. I have no idea how or when it happened, but I am nestled snuggly into my new life, and everything is okay again. The day that I stood by the side of the road debating whether or not to walk out in front of a truck is over.

Thank god for those that stand behind and beside us. More specifically thank god for my brother, that strong gentle man who listened to my ramblings and rantings, who let me cry, whine and be angry. Who, through it all let me think that I was okay, until I really was okay again.

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Remember To Take Time To Play
It's Important!
When you participate in pleasurable activities like smiling, laughing, exercising or playing, your brain does an amazing thing and releases a little chemical message known as an endorphin. These endorphins are feel good messages that have the power to actually remove physical and emotional pain. They travel down the spine, and then throughout your body, sending a feeling of well being as they go. These endorphins not only have the ability to relieve pain but they also have the power to make you feel happy.

Take time to play
It really is important

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Surviving Separation